Growing up a-religious in a family that has no God and no customs, is hard for a child who is Pagan at heart, and an old soul.
This was my childhood: growing up among non-believers, who mocked me for believing and following God.
My mother till this day asks me if I am ok mentally when I try to tell her about my worship and religion. She has no respect for my customs, and demands compliance with some arbitrary 'white people' laws. On a closer analysis, these are usually her own personal ways she poses as traditions in order to gain more power and control.
Why?
Because some people are inherently simple and a-religious.
And religious and complex people have little to do with them.
As hard as it is to admit, I can no longer force myself to mesh with people who even though may be wonderful, nice or sweet, relatives or not, do not share my religious, spiritual and karmic paths.
I enjoy celebrating holidays, discussing intellectual and religious texts, and generally spending time with performance arts, Vedas, religion and other such.
I cannot bring myself to deny this any longer; for years my mother made me feel guilty about being different, for wanting to be someone, for not complying with the false Judeo-Christian model and role of being a false 'woman', an artificial fake being, without a tribe, without faith, without means of survival. She bought into lies; she was always naturally inclined, she did not care about anyone or anything, besides herself. How different was her priest and preacher son from her! How she failed to reconize such simple truths and necessities of life as respect and recognition.
Come to think of it, perhaps she does not know how, but teaching a little girl to be an adult, when that girl is MY MOTHER is not something I feel up to par.
I should not be a parent to own parents.
My life belongs to the Gods and the arts; I should not be spending it arguing over something and being called names because I am not interested in upholding a framework I have proven to be false, against any nationality and religion that flows in me, and demonic and satanic in nature.
I pity those who buy into it, but I mind my own business, and frankly speaking, don't feel its necessary to engage in forced conversion. I only think about what's my next step and how my life should be to correspond to the ideals and principles of a good servant of the Gods and a performance artist.
I intend to use every minute of my time properly and with focus, attention, dedication and attention to the development of my plans and ways.
I do not have time for bs, nor do I want to support any type of badness, but work hard towards my goals and stay on my path.
I welcome those who share my beliefs, views, needs, desires and have skills and visions, to join me. I also request that all craziness be left behind the closed to them doors of my house. I ask to behave nice, to respect each other and most importantly, to trust me when I say something is out. Then, perhaps, we will achieve our dream of success, well being and truth, and benefit ourselves and others in the process. It is possible. It has been shown to have been done. We did it before. Now we will do more and create more, better and more fulfilling situations.
Aja Zeno Farid
servant of Lord Shiva, his devotee, Bramacharyah and performance artist and Gypsy
